A guide to reclaiming your power during a personal and collective 'tower moment’
A collapse, a calling, and the pursuit of freedom by way of self-discovery and authenticity.
In 2023, I had a ‘tower moment.’
A tower moment is a rock bottom moment when the rug gets pulled out from under you, and everything around you collapses. It’s typically something you didn’t see coming—although, in hindsight there were warning signs.
The trigger that initiated the collapse of my tower was a long awaited decision regarding my husband’s court case and decade long fight for his freedom (and mine). I met my husband in 2013 through an advocacy project that I had created after grad school—telling stories of the lives of young people before they were given extreme sentences as juveniles.
My husband, Dre, was one of the participants in this project. He had been sentenced to 61 years without the possibility of parole at just 15 years old. Through the course of a year, we wrote letters to each other, some 30 pages long. We became friends during that time and by the end of that year, when we finally met in person, I knew with absolute clarity that we were brought together for so much more.
Throughout the years of Dre’s incarceration, we had remained endlessly hopeful that he would be given a second chance at freedom. Truthfully, he deserved it. He had taken every opportunity inside and outside of prison to grow, evolve and make amends for the choices and mistakes of his younger self. He was no longer the same person he was at 15.
On this particular day, the day of my tower moment, we believed this might finally be the second chance we’d been fighting for for more than a decade–-a chance that would bring our family together.
In court, he was described as “the poster child of rehabilitation,” and in the next breath, one word that ripped the rug out from under me and left me breathless—“denied.”
You see, I have always been an optimist. An idealist really. I believe in the inherent good of all people, I believe in our capacity to evolve, and I believe in our interconnectedness—what happens to one of us impacts all of us. I believe that love wins and equity prevails.
At the same time, I’ve dedicated my career to helping people heal from trauma—walking alongside them as they pick up the pieces of their shattered selves after the most horrific encounters with the darkest aspects of humanity.
It is this duality that has proven to me time and time again that healing and change are both possible and a sacred part of human evolution.
I know that none of us escape trauma but some of us will learn to transmute that pain into healing and in doing so we will birth our own miracles–-because the opposite of trauma is miracles.
Yet, in this tower moment. I lost faith in everything I had so firmly believed.
When you come face-to-face with systems that are built on a foundation of oppression, you will inevitably reach moments like this one that leave you feeling completely and utterly powerless.
What was any of it for?
I’ve always said, we’re not here on this earth to work and pay bills. We’re here for connection.
I had spent years working in service to others helping people find peace, love and joy after trauma, keeping up with bills and financial responsibilities, and praying for the moment I would be able to give my own family that same relief I had helped so many others to find. It wasn’t coming.
So I quit. I took a leave from my practice.
I knew there had to be something else out there. A different path for me that I hadn’t yet discovered. Something that would make all of this pain I was feeling worth it.
Throughout my life, I have always followed my curiosity, trying new things that sparked my interest and learning new skills. I was rarely successful in the conventional sense but always took something away from the experience. A lesson, a skill, an insight.
I was never sure there was any connective tissue between these pursuits but I enjoyed them for a time and then I moved on to the next spark of curiosity.
It wasn’t until leaving my practice that I started to really question my life’s purpose. Don’t get me wrong. I loved my work and adored my clients. Trauma therapy is deeply impactful and a worthy pursuit. But I knew I was more than a therapist. I just didn’t know how to define what “more” meant.
Over the next two years, I went through a process of self-discovery. Following my intuition wherever it led whether it made sense to me or not—even when my comfort zone was calling my name.
These were some of the most challenging years I’ve experienced. I learned out of necessity to embrace uncertainty and not think too far into the future but to stay in the moment, following the quiet nudges of my intuition day after day.
I didn’t have a goal or a clear path forward. Every day I wondered if I had made a mistake. But somewhere deep inside of me I knew I was being called toward… something—even if I couldn’t articulate it.
As I was going on my own personal journey, I noticed parallels in the world around me–you could say, globally we are facing a collective tower moment. The systems that once appeared immovable now seem to be heading for collapse.
And it was in this reflection that I got my answer to these deeper questions of purpose—now, more than ever before, we are all being called toward a new way of living and showing up for ourselves, our loved ones and our communities.
We’re not being asked to choose one singular purpose—a job, a niche, a career, a relationship. But rather, to create the space to be our whole, unique and expansive selves. Embodying all of who we are in every moment and every area of our lives no matter the circumstances.
This is authenticity.
When we fully align with our true authentic and expansive self we no longer fit in the systems and structures designed to keep us small, disconnected and isolated. We become expansive, magnetic and deeply connected to our personal and collective power.
I believe we all have a purpose and that purpose isn’t a job, a title or a role. Our purpose is to live fully in alignment with our authenticity and truth. In doing so we begin to take up space, become visible and challenge the status quo.
I believe this is how we dismantle the systems of oppression that keep us disempowered, traumatized and hopeless. This is how we take our power back. These systems of oppression rely on those that are being oppressed to stay quiet, small and isolated in order to maintain the status quo. Through creating a life rooted in authenticity we stop participating in our own oppression.
I don’t just believe this. I live it.
Dre and I started a non-profit, got married, had a baby, enrolled him in College, published a blog, started a podcast, and allowed ourselves to dream seemingly impossible dreams—then bring those dreams into our reality all while the system told us, ‘No.’
(Our Wedding Photo - January 2019)
While our circumstances may be different. The calling–and answer to our struggle–is the same. Whether you’re being called to create a soul aligned business (like my former coaching client, Sydney–read her story here.), sharing your personal story, shedding the beliefs that keep you small or stuck, or following the unconventional path of uncertainty towards your deepest dreams and desires, it all matters and it all makes a difference.
The time to live your most truthful and authentic life is now.
My most authentic life is sharing my own personal story, the highs and lows of navigating life as a prisoner’s wife, as an IVF mama, a woman who experienced birth trauma, and as Dallis–the deeply passionate, idealistic, lover of people, and loyal advocate for those that have been pushed to the margins, forgotten, discarded or just felt like they didn’t quite fit the mold.
My purpose is to help guide you, support you, and give you the tools and confidence to face your fears, follow your inner calling and bring your soul aligned vision into reality—even if you don’t know what that vision is yet!
We aren’t meant to do this alone. We don’t heal in isolation. And we don’t create change by staying small or invisible.
We heal ourselves and humanity through relationships and connection. And we create that connection with ourselves first through the process of self-discovery–identifying our unique truth and purpose. Then, by sharing our truth and authenticity with others, we attract the opportunities, relationships, and experiences that have the power to move mountains and create the lasting change we are collectively and deeply craving.
If my story speaks to you and you know you have a deeper calling or a craving to create a life that is fully in alignment with your authenticity but you’re not sure what steps to take or how to begin, book a free (15 minute) consultation to see if 1:1 coaching, and my approach may be the right fit for you and the next step on your soul aligned journey.
